Pain Support.org

Some information on intimacy, when you live with chronic pain...

The very first thing that should be mentioned here is, intercourse is only a very small part of our relationships.

If you or your partner are suffering from chronic pain, you know that sex is one of the first activities to be put at the bottom of the list of things to do. This is a very common problem and one that is not often discussed or written about for people with chronic pain. The reasons for this closed mouth attitude are many. People who are suffering with pain feel that they may be the only ones having the problem and therefore embarrassed to talk about it, even with the doctor. Some doctors do not feel comfortable with the subject, or may not even recognise it as a problem. Sexuality is an integral part of normal and healthy relationships. It need not be the first thing abandoned when you are bothered by a flare-up of your pain. If you have chronic pain, it should not prevent you from enjoying this part of your relationship.

The key to sexual enjoyment & furfillment is, take your time, relax and talk to each other.

If your partner is the one in pain, offer to start with a hot bath or shower together. Most conditions respond favourably to gentle massage with some warm oil. The massage works to decrease pain, relax the muscles and mind, and can be stimulating. Share your feelings, discuss what works and what doesn't with your partner and enjoy yourselves.

Don't forget, there are many ways to enjoy a sexual experience with someone you love:- cuddles, kissing, exploring each others bodies, self manipulation, oral and intercourse...

Here are some positions which may be more comfortable for people with chronic pain:

Please do not try any of these sexual positions without discussing things with your Doctor first.

The person with pain lies down on the floor or bed with hips and knees bent. Pillows or towels may be used for support. Their partner is on top being more active, but cautious and gentle.
The person with pain lies down in a comfortable position supported by pillows or towels. Their hips and knees are bent and relaxed over their partner. He enters her while facing her, with minimal stress to his or her back.
The person with pain can lie down on the floor or bed with appropriate supports, pillows or towels for comfort. The person with pain should be relatively passive and reduce stress to their back. The partner is on top and is taking a more active role.
The person with pain lies down on the floor or bed with appropriate supports, pillows or towels for comfort. Keeping their back protected and immobile. The partner without back problem is on top and is taking a more active role.
With certain spine problems (usually non-disc related), sitting may be more comfortable during sex. This sitting position may allow more sensuous caressing; however, careful co-ordination by the partners is important.
A woman with a back problem, especially disc related, may be more comfortable in the prone position. When she lies in the prone position, on her stomach, the lumbar spine is in extension, which puts less stress on her discs. The degree of back extension can be adjusted using pillows or cushions under the chest or abdomen.
Patients with back problems other than disc disease may be more comfortable when sitting. There may be less pain during sex by adjusting the posture and movements. Excessive spine movements can be avoided by careful co-ordination with your partner. This position often allows more intimate caressing and kissing.
A woman may rest on her arms and knees while her partner is positioned posteriorly. While kneeling, the partners' knees should be padded for appropriate height and comfort. A woman with back pain should assume a more passive but protective posture.